I was told once by one of my guy friends that there is a significant difference between courting and dating, and everyone needs to understand that. I couldn't agree more. People are often hurt or disappointed when they do not receive the outcome they had hoped for in a relationship because they did not make their intentions clear or they did not understand the intentions of the person they were seeing. Therefore, it is important to know intentions before you are emotionally invested in any type of relationship. So, are y'all dating or courting?

What is dating?
Dating is spending time with someone and having fun. This can be done with multiple people. It is a sharing of time (and sometimes money lol) but no strings are really attached. It can be a chance to get to know someone or simply a time to have fun with a person who has captured your interest.

What is courting?
Courting is when dating becomes more than having fun. It's essentially dating with purpose. There is a goal in mind, and usually that goal is a long-term relationship or stable/monogamous relationship. It is ONE ON ONE. I'd even go as far as saying that in a deep courtship, you pretty much know you want this person around for a long time and are considering marriage.

Why is it important to know the difference?
When it comes to dating versus courting, you want to place proper expectations on each other. You can't require more than what someone is willing to offer, and vice versa. In scenarios where a young lady desires a relationship from a guy, participates in sexual intercourse and then is left upset and alone after he leaves, it is because they did not speak on what was the extent of their relationship. If he leaves, he never wanted something long-term and it was a mistake to indulge in actions that lead to further heartbreak. Many young adults are not really interested in forming serious relationships because they can only chase one thing at a time. Meaning if a young person is focused on achieving certain career goals that require most of their time and focus, then they will not have an easy time focusing on nurturing a relationship. Often for men, success and career goals have to be attained before they give up the bachelor card. Beyond material things, they just have to simply feel ready. Relationships can be a lot to handle as well. It is hard work and can be emotionally draining on both parties.

Why you should be patient?
Life is about growing and maturing. It is very important to evaluate where you are in life before you embark on a journey with someone else. Think of the opposite sex as more than tools to please emotional longings or great past-times when bored or lonely.

How to tell the difference?
Ladies...have you met family and friends? How much access to his phone do you have? Are you guys spending ample amount of time with one another indoor or outdoors? Is he engaged in conversation with you? Is the only way you communicate via text? The answers to these questions provide ample knowledge to where you stand. If you are unclear should you ask? Well, my male friends say it will not guarantee a true answer so your best bet is to open your eyes. Distance yourself from the Disney fairy-tale and see the relationship for what it's worth. A man knows whether he wants you around or not and his actions will prove it. If you are a priority and more than a fling, you won't be unsure. He will make it very clear.

Ladies the power is in your hands. Don't be mad at the guy if you see the signs and you choose not to act on it.  I am not saying the men should not be held accountable, but what I am saying is you have the ability to end something you see headed toward a demise. I have had to cut relationships off that I knew was heading no where. It is definitely not always easy but it is most definitely worth it.

Save yourself the heart ache by letting go before you are too invested in someone who is not as invested in you. If he wants you physically but is not interested in your spiritual well-being or mental well-being cut it off. If he makes a mistake and makes no effort to show you he desires to improve, cut it off. If he has no interest in simple things about you like how your day went, your interests, what you like and dislike, and doesn't desire to find ways to make you happy, it may show his lack of interest. You may want to re-evaluate his intentions with you.

While you're out here meeting people and making friends :) by dating, courting, etc... Ask yourself what is my purpose for texting this person, chilling, and going on dates?  Then ask yourself, what does this person want with me? Evaluate if you're on the same page so we have more positive interactions with the opposite sex rather than a bunch of bad situations and pointless interactions that end in heartbreak.

I'm going to close with this mind boggling tidbit... In addition to deciphering whether you are courting or dating... how about remaining abstinent while dating/courting. There are multiple reasons I choose to do so and firmly believe it is a saving grace. You will have to read about it later..

Let me know if this blog helps. Share your experiences, or simply share the post. Lets spark conversation!

P.S Thanks to one of my best guy friends, for helping me with the male perspective for this post!

Get to Gabbin'

XO,
Gabby