I was sitting in the doctor’s office for a routine checkup and of course my nurse and I start talking about life. We covered school, career goals, the planet, and then finally a topic I love to chat about -‘dating and relationships’.  As we chatted like old friends and exchanged advice our mothers gave us about men, I began to laugh. I went home, replayed our conversation, and wondered if I should give the world some of the tea we sipped on in that office. Ladies and gentlemen, dating is obviously a struggle in the year of our Lord 2019 but wisdom will be a guide until the end of time. I want to share some wisdom with you. Maybe our mothers were onto something and some of the advice they held dear back in the day will do us some good now.

Tip #1 Don’t be fooled. Time is on your side.

While dating in the last 6 months of 2019, do not rush getting to know someone. Uncovering the multiple layers of a person takes time. People put their best foot forward in the beginning, so make sure you see the person you’re dating in different settings and scenarios. Take note of how they treat people, react to certain situations, and handle their emotions. Don’t rush into anything but also don’t drag if they seem to able to handle a healthy relationship and could be a potential partner. We ain’t speeding down the aisle but we aren’t wasting anyone’s time either. 

Tip#2 If they tell you / show you who they are, believe them. 

 Seeing the good in a person is awesome, but if someone reveals to you who they are believe them. Don’t talk yourself out of what you see, feel, hear and experience with a person. You also better not think it’s your job to change a person. Growing together is one thing, but if you notice character flaws, choose if it’s worth staying or not. Ask yourself, “Can I live with that aspect of a person forever even if they never change?” If not, don’t stay. Bruh, listen to your gut. 

Tip#3 Communicate

 Yawl better play that “20 Questions” game we played in high school on the phone all night lol. All jokes aside, talk about everything. Ask all the questions and get uncomfortable. Don’t nag or pry but just talk!  Being intentional about communication is vital. This is why I promote abstinence because you have more time to talk and less time getting caught up in emotions. Don’t ever assume anything in a relationship. Find out for sure what ya’ll are doing. Ask is it casual, serious, or a monogamous relationship.  Talking and chilling all the time-for long periods of time- can lead to ‘situationships’. Also, playing house and giving temporary people that lifetime lover treatment will drain and disappoint you. When you don’t talk about expectations, you may never get the outcome you expected or the role you’re so adamantly auditioning for. Get to talking. 

Tip#4 Let your significant other be good to you and you be good to them.

The internet lies a lot. People love to flaunt negativity and perpetuate this idea that there are no good men or women out there. This is not true. Welcome good things into your life with your words, thoughts, and actions and I guarantee good will come and find you. Abuse, hardship, and consistent poor treatment is not normal or acceptable. If a man is trying to pursue you, respect you, and cater to you let them! When this effort is given to you return it ! Don’t get caught up in this idea that being harsh and mean is healthy. It is not. Do good to others and expect good to return to you. 

Tip#5 If you aint abstinent, don’t put your sexual health in anyone’s hands!

 Be very smart about protecting your temple. People are out here living reckless. Don’t put your health in the hands of anyone. Make sure you know your partner's status. ask for receipts and don’t just take a person’s word for it. Your loyalty and care might not be matched, so be prepared to protect yourself. Think before you act. Don’t let a few minutes’ cause you lifelong hardship. 

Tip#6 Don’t ignore red flags

 The worst thing you can do is be so deep in infatuation you ignore the red flags about a person. If trusted friends and family have concerns about someone consider it. If you yourself see things occur that are non-negotiables for you, leave. Know your value and self-worth enough to move on if a person isn’t a right fit for you. 

Tip#7 Love yourself first

  If you are lacking in the self-love department, spend time healing and loving yourself. No one will be able to fill you up with the love you need if you’re a desperately empty well. Your significant others job is not to fill you up. Relationships can add to your love, but they can never be your source. You can only love another person as much as you love yourself. They can only love you as much as they love themselves. Learn to love yourself first.You are worthy of good, pure love. Never settle in loving yourself or in how you allow someone to love you.

Tip#8 Social Media isn’t everything 

 Just be mature. Don’t fall into the relationship goal fad’s and don’t compare your love life to others. Try not to measure your relationship by how much your significant other post or doesn’t post. Remember privacy can be a good thing and keeping your intimate information off of the internet is probably always best. 

Tip#9 Forgive

 No one is perfect. Learn to forgive, work through things, and remain longsuffering. 

Tip#10 Pray 

 Lastly, chile if you don’t pray I don’t know how you’ll make it. God helps us run away from a bad relationship, and helps us to not sabotage a good one. Prayer allows you to talk to God, while gaining insight into the best direction for your life. Never forget to pray.