I Don’t Miss My Old Life

July in Georgia is sweltering.  I don’t mind the heat this year because it allows to me imagine COVID-19 is frying and dying in the air.  As I sat by the pool, trying to cool down from the 90-degree heat, one of my friends and I started reminiscing on our early 20’s. Black college students in Atlanta are spoiled. Atlanta provided for us a culture and lifestyle that we were so blessed to have. I never really felt like a broke college kid. Our dorms were in prime areas in the heart of downtown. Most of us worked and received nice refund checks throughout the semester, so life financially was great. I was even blessed with a small allowance from my parents. We always had the money for trips and good food. My friend and I laughed about the crazy nights the Lord kept us through l and how quickly we bounced back after partying all night. I will never forget the time most of our classmates were all at the same party and the next morning we were all at church sick and tired. There were three of four rows of us just looking hurt but present. Our mamas raised us right and we all felt obligated to honor God with our Sunday morning, regardless of what transpired throughout the week.

As my friends and I chatted, from my soul the words;“I don’t miss my old life” came out of my mouth. I don’t miss clubs, hangovers, social drama, or exhaustion at all. I am bout’ 30 now, so this makes sense. Some 30 year old’s get a second-wind and party more while the rest of us RSVP to the grandma club invite. My tolerance for frivolous things is lower and I really enjoy my peace. Peace in my body, spirit, and soul is wealth to me. I know some people think I’ve switched up because I am in seminary, a minister, and in a serious relationship now.  Although these things should definitely cause a person to practice a greater level of righteous living, what happened for me was I just fell in love with God in a new way. This new level of love provided me with so much serenity, I don’t desire such a busy body life anymore. This is no judgment on those who still enjoy those things I am just sharing my experience. Although those days were fun, I am finding joy in other things and that is ok. I love my friends because we support each others stages of life with no judgment, pressure, or pettiness. We enjoy talking about where we are now and where God is taking us.

The quarantine has given most of us ample time to ourselves.  We have so much time to think and review our lives. I love it. It can be exciting, uncomfortable, challenging, and often difficult to sit with yourself for a long period of time but hey, we’re all here. I hope you're not running from it.  Quarantine solidified for me how much I don’t miss my old life.

God and I have talked a lot. I’ve learned so much in the word. My therapy sessions have encouraged me to dig deeper into who I am and what I want out of life. I’ve never felt more self-aware.  When I am able to let go of the trauma we see Black Americans facing and the shock of being in a global pandemic I feel pretty dang awesome.

I have a peace in God that was only found in my immersion in His word and presence.

I don’t miss my old life.

I don’t miss my early 20’s they are a beautiful part of my past I just don’t have to revisit.  I also don’t miss my life prior to Covid-19.   I had control issues. I wanted to control my life and then give God what I couldn’t handle. I was anxious and overwhelmed because I placed unnecessary pressure on myself. I don’t miss not discerning correctly who was around me. I did a poor job managing the people in my life. Some people who were close needed to be loved from a distance and people at a distance needed to be brought closer. I don’t miss meaningless conversations or keeping up with every social event. I spent too much time on my hair, nails, and makeup.  The simplicity of my beauty routine now is just wonderful.  High heels are going to be hard to love again when the world opens up and I have places to wear them. My feet have had no oppression in months. Lol.. I am free to rest, reevaluate, and relax as much as I want. I am happy. I am happy with my small friend group who I adore, my days spent in nature, the extra time getting to know my family, falling in love without extra distractions, writing more books, minding my business, and spending time with myself.

I really don’t miss my old life in general.

There is a peace and freedom in knowing God and His word better. There is a relaxation that overwhelms you when you aren’t coping through these difficult times with unhealthy habits.  There is a light feeling you have when the weights of this world are handed to Jesus. I realized I could be more powerful in all areas if I was more focused on God and not on things that are solely self-serving. I enjoy hearing God’s plan for me while studying the word. I like how I am becoming more loving and filled with compassion for God’s people again. I am glad that I am more fearless and prophetic in my day to day life.

I hope who you are blossoming into is someone you love as well. This is a time for healing, growth, and restoration. Don’t be fooled. This pandemic is not the end, it is just the beginning. What is God instilling in you now that you must grasp while in seclusion?

I hope when you look back over 2020 years from now you can say my vision became clearer.  I pray that you let some things old ways die and make room for some great things grow. I pray you to can find new hope and joy in the new era we are embarking upon.  I hope you too can say, “I don’t miss my old life!” because what is ahead is greater.

Philippians 1:6 And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ [right up to the time of His return], developing [that good work] and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you.

Love you,

Gab