How Many Times I've Fell In Love
The first boy I fell in love with... ok, was infatuated with,
was a basketball player from my rival high school. He was everything
I did NOT need, and because my parents asked me not to date, I honored them and
left the boy I couldn't help but swoon over alone. Eventually, I realized he was involved in a
life I had no business partaking in. This bad boy basketball player was young
and lived pretty reckless. I was blinded by how cool I thought he was, but listening
to my parents protected me from a heart ache, unplanned pregnancy, and
unnecessary baggage. #grateful
The second boy I fell in love with... well, liked a whole
bunch, was a guy I met my freshman year of college. He was cute, tall, drove a
nice car, and took me out on nice dates.
So, I spent most of my time with him. Over time, we developed great feelings for each other. But like most young dating experiences, we did not work out because we didn't
communicate what we wanted out of the relationship. I wanted a caring boyfriend and he
wanted someone “easy” (if you know what I mean), and that lifestyle was definitely not me. So we ended our “situationship”. I call it that because we had a situation going on, we dated for a while and treated each other like boyfriend/girlfriend, but never placed titles on what we had. #POINTLESS #smh :)
The third boy I fell in love with hmmm..let me rephrase that,
cared for deeply, was a guy I met my junior year of college. He was the son of a
local preacher, intelligent, and extremely handsome. I thought we were a match
made in heaven. Yet, we were not compatible at all. We clashed all of the time. He
wasn’t that nice, was a little self absorbed, and did not want to seek God the
way I wanted to seek God. Let me explain...when I say he didn’t seek God the way
I wanted; he was a Christian, sat in a church every Sunday but did not want to
grow. He thought he had it all figured out, but lacked compassion. He was not
interested in godly conversation and called me super holy because I actually wanted to live out what the bible says. I wanted God to lead our relationship, not the flesh. I said "bye buddy" to him after I understood it would never work if we weren't both on the same page spiritually.
Now, how many times did I think I was in love? *laughing right now* After having shared those little snippets from my amazing love life (lol) I want to talk about what remained a saving grace for me in these situations and others. My saving grace was listening to godly wisdom and letting every guy I dated know I was saving myself for marriage. THIS SAVED ME FROM SO MUCH TROUBLE. I was able to clearly see each relationship for what it was without tangling myself in unnecessary emotions! I was not clouded and it was easy to detach myself from a relationship that was headed toward demise.
TRUE LOVE WAITS. I know that phrase is cliché but it is true. A man who really loves you and cares for you will care about the things you care about and will desire to uphold you ..and vice versa. That is if this is your desire..to wait. He will want to take care of your heart and will understand the best way to love you is to become your friend first. A godly man will desire to guide and help hold you accountable in your Christian walk, not to make you stray. Abstinence was and still is the best decision I've ever made because it protects me. I was able to walk away without severe damage to my heart because I kept what God intended for marriage to myself. I did not give my body to someone who was temporary and did not cloud my judgment of my situations because of sex.
I feel whole after I leave and to be honest...quite dignified. I never feel like something is missing because I've found complete satisfaction in Christ. When God ask us to do something in the Bible, I have learned it is not to stop our fun or keep us from enjoying life, it is actually to make our lives better. Remaining abstinent allowed me to see past the smooth talking, the nice cars, good looks, and stature. I was not clouded, soul-tied, overly emotional, or apprehensive to leave a guy who was not good for me because I was connected to God and tried to obey him. His voice leads us for a reason.
I AM NOT CONDEMNING ANYONE WHO HAS OR IS PARTAKING IN PREMARITAL SEX. I AM JUST LETTING YOU KNOW THE BENEFITS OF ABSTINENCE I HAVE SEEN IN MY LIFE, IN HOPES THAT IT WILL HELP YOU.
When we date,we give too much of ourselves and wonder why we are broken in the end. It's because we choose to date like the world says date, and that kind of dating is TRASH. If you're not one of the lucky people who meets their soul mate without kissing a bunch of frogs first, you're like most of every one else who participates in multiple dead-end relationships that actually do nothing but help you practice for divorce. We weren't meant to move in and out of relationships. It doesn't do anything but help us learn to leave. How do we learn to stay and work things out with the right one, if all we do is practice leaving "the wrong ones" all the time. That is why if you have read my post titled "Why I Hate Dating", I have chosen to change my perspective on dating. Every guy is a friend until I hear God say we can be more. So far, he hasn't opened my eyes to anyone so I am happily single. I can say I'm happy because when I do meet "the one", he wont have too many bags to unpack from my past because I saved my true love and affection for him.
IF you are practicing abstinence GO YOU..KEEP GOING..YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
IF you'd like to start it is not too late. First let God mend the broken places, if you feel you need healing, talk to God and let him know what you need from him. Then get into your word! Read his word everyday and let it wash/heal you. The holy spirit will guide you if you earnestly seek him. I like to say "Lord speak to me" and then I'm lead to read a scripture that will speak to the day. After I read, I write in a journal about what I learned, how I can apply it to my day, and write a prayer.
After you run to the word, other ways you can start practicing abstinence is by not participating in conversations that lead your mind to wonder. Be careful about what you watch or read so that you aren't allowing certain images/thoughts lead you to temptation. Have an accountability partner that you can call on when you feel you might fail. Stay away from situations in which you know can lead you to stray away from staying abstinent. Lastly, DON'T STRESS ABOUT IT. Just focus on Christ love for you and his word and eventually it will become easier to trust him and remain true to your new course. Don't focus on what you're trying not to do, because that wont help! Focus on the freedom God provides, his peace, and how his holy spirit will help you do the right thing if you desire to do so.
Happy side note: My parents have been married for over 20 years now and so have most of their married friends. These are some of the values they held onto while dating and look at how successful their relationships are to this day!....ANYWAY, HERE I GAB AGAIN...
Love you Lots! xo
Gab
Now, how many times did I think I was in love? *laughing right now* After having shared those little snippets from my amazing love life (lol) I want to talk about what remained a saving grace for me in these situations and others. My saving grace was listening to godly wisdom and letting every guy I dated know I was saving myself for marriage. THIS SAVED ME FROM SO MUCH TROUBLE. I was able to clearly see each relationship for what it was without tangling myself in unnecessary emotions! I was not clouded and it was easy to detach myself from a relationship that was headed toward demise.
TRUE LOVE WAITS. I know that phrase is cliché but it is true. A man who really loves you and cares for you will care about the things you care about and will desire to uphold you ..and vice versa. That is if this is your desire..to wait. He will want to take care of your heart and will understand the best way to love you is to become your friend first. A godly man will desire to guide and help hold you accountable in your Christian walk, not to make you stray. Abstinence was and still is the best decision I've ever made because it protects me. I was able to walk away without severe damage to my heart because I kept what God intended for marriage to myself. I did not give my body to someone who was temporary and did not cloud my judgment of my situations because of sex.
I feel whole after I leave and to be honest...quite dignified. I never feel like something is missing because I've found complete satisfaction in Christ. When God ask us to do something in the Bible, I have learned it is not to stop our fun or keep us from enjoying life, it is actually to make our lives better. Remaining abstinent allowed me to see past the smooth talking, the nice cars, good looks, and stature. I was not clouded, soul-tied, overly emotional, or apprehensive to leave a guy who was not good for me because I was connected to God and tried to obey him. His voice leads us for a reason.
I AM NOT CONDEMNING ANYONE WHO HAS OR IS PARTAKING IN PREMARITAL SEX. I AM JUST LETTING YOU KNOW THE BENEFITS OF ABSTINENCE I HAVE SEEN IN MY LIFE, IN HOPES THAT IT WILL HELP YOU.
When we date,we give too much of ourselves and wonder why we are broken in the end. It's because we choose to date like the world says date, and that kind of dating is TRASH. If you're not one of the lucky people who meets their soul mate without kissing a bunch of frogs first, you're like most of every one else who participates in multiple dead-end relationships that actually do nothing but help you practice for divorce. We weren't meant to move in and out of relationships. It doesn't do anything but help us learn to leave. How do we learn to stay and work things out with the right one, if all we do is practice leaving "the wrong ones" all the time. That is why if you have read my post titled "Why I Hate Dating", I have chosen to change my perspective on dating. Every guy is a friend until I hear God say we can be more. So far, he hasn't opened my eyes to anyone so I am happily single. I can say I'm happy because when I do meet "the one", he wont have too many bags to unpack from my past because I saved my true love and affection for him.
IF you are practicing abstinence GO YOU..KEEP GOING..YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
IF you'd like to start it is not too late. First let God mend the broken places, if you feel you need healing, talk to God and let him know what you need from him. Then get into your word! Read his word everyday and let it wash/heal you. The holy spirit will guide you if you earnestly seek him. I like to say "Lord speak to me" and then I'm lead to read a scripture that will speak to the day. After I read, I write in a journal about what I learned, how I can apply it to my day, and write a prayer.
After you run to the word, other ways you can start practicing abstinence is by not participating in conversations that lead your mind to wonder. Be careful about what you watch or read so that you aren't allowing certain images/thoughts lead you to temptation. Have an accountability partner that you can call on when you feel you might fail. Stay away from situations in which you know can lead you to stray away from staying abstinent. Lastly, DON'T STRESS ABOUT IT. Just focus on Christ love for you and his word and eventually it will become easier to trust him and remain true to your new course. Don't focus on what you're trying not to do, because that wont help! Focus on the freedom God provides, his peace, and how his holy spirit will help you do the right thing if you desire to do so.
Happy side note: My parents have been married for over 20 years now and so have most of their married friends. These are some of the values they held onto while dating and look at how successful their relationships are to this day!....ANYWAY, HERE I GAB AGAIN...
Love you Lots! xo
Gab