Why The One You Love Doesn't Love You Back
I am going to go ahead and say I am not an expert in this area. I can't pinpoint for you why the person you love doesn't love you back because there are a plethora of reasons why relationships don't go the way we intend. What I CAN do is talk about relationships where the love was mutual. This can help inadvertently enlighten us to why sometimes love is unrequited.
My mom and I were talking in the kitchen and she says, "Gab I wouldn't want to marry anyone else but your dad. He was perfect for me and one day you'll meet the one for you and he will blow your mind." I have heard the stories where she told me this one guy wanted to marry her but she did not want him, or where she thought a guy was the one but in the end, he was not. All of those experiences led her to the one that truly was for her, my dad. I can't help but laugh at these stories. I asked my dad ," How did you know mom was the one?" He said, "I saw her at church one day and I had this feeling like she was going to be my wife." *HAHAH it was love at first sight.. huh dad* Anyway, they both share similar encounters where this little voice inside *HolySpirit* spoke to them about the other and they eventually started dating. Five kids later and 25 years in... they are still best friends and in love.
OK, so for the rest of us fabulous people who are not living that "fairytale" lifestyle yet, why don't the ones we love, love us back and vice versa?
1. They are most likely not the one.
I am going to be a little transparent and I hope no one is offended, but I still have gentlemen attempt to date me who I have clearly told that I didn't want a relationship. They fell in love with some aspect of me, but I had absolutely no connection, attraction, or desire to be with them. Many women experience this. We date someone because at one point we had an interest. But when that interest died, you were ready to move on and they weren't. Let's be honest, it's because they are not the one and probably won't be.
If you care for a guy and he has made it clear he doesn't want a relationship, or he's stated he's not sure, YOU ARE JUST AN OPTION..walk away. You know you could probably be great for him, but if he cant appreciate you... MOVE ON, someone else will. When my mother met my dad , yes he was attracted to her beauty but even more so her godly spirit and goal driven demeanor. To this day, if my mom has a new bright idea for herself or the family, my dad trusts her godly instinct. He appreciates her passion to always have a task to fulfill and supports her 100%. He was the best match for her because his personality balances hers. My mom has such an artsy, creative, dramatic, outgoing personality (like me) and my dad is just SUPER chill. I think this is a great example of not worrying about the dating relationships that didn't work out. Prepare yourself for the ONE RELATIONSHIP with your future spouse that will.
2. It's not the right time.
Now, we've heard those stories where a guy likes a girl and after years of goading, convincing, and pestering her she finally falls in love and they get married. :) This does happen but what you have to realize is that even if they did not start on the same page, they eventually ended on the same page. The girl finally caved in and loved the man back who had loved her all along, it just took time. Time for her to grow, mature, get fed up with the losers, and marry the right one. Sometimes it can be the guy who doesn't see the great girl who loves him, but then he realizes he can't be a bachelor forever, turns around, and sweeps her off her feet. What I need you to do is know the difference. Don't settle if your gut is telling you HE IS NOT THE ONE! Don't wait around for the one who doesn't care about you if there is someone who does. Sometimes love is a choice, not simply a feeling. I'm not saying make yourself love someone to get over the one you can't have. I'm just saying think, pray, and be wise about it all. Don't beg someone who doesn't want you to stay. Then you won't get the love you deserve! If you think your scenario is like the earlier examples I shared, where you both just need time before you get it right... then wait. Let that person grow apart from you. Don't wait too long and be sure you know when to let someone go.
3.You're being unrealistic.
This is like having a celebrity crush. It is loving someone who you know good and well will never be the one. Stay out of the clouds people. Don't let the media, society, and fairytale culture keep you from dating realistically. *example* If you have a great guy friend who treats you like a queen but you're in love with your married boss, KICK THE BOSS TO THE CURB and get with the single great guy friend. DUHHH... We live life on earth. Not on the set of a stupid and unrealistic love film. It's that simple.
Also, enjoy being single if that's the stage you are in right now life. I AM HAVING A BLAST. One day I will be happily consumed with a spouse, but today I only really have to focus on my personal goals and dreams. And that is cool with me. I don't have to check in with any significant other, I don't have to worry about both of our careers, I can be selfish with my weekends and spend it with my girls. One day it won't be like this and I will be grateful then like I am now. I am just saying try to enjoy every season of life. Enjoy where you are now, in this present moment!!
Lastly, if you let God guide your life you won't miss what he has for you. Even if you think you missed it, he works everything out for the better, for those who love him, and are called according to his purpose. Trust him. Don't fear being alone. He answers prayers and cares even about the little things you think are insignificant. So why wouldn't he care about your love life? 1 Peter 5:7 says "Cast all your anxiety's on him for he cares for you".
Do just that, place it on him because life's issues can be a lot to carry!
Love YOU,
Gabs
My mom and I were talking in the kitchen and she says, "Gab I wouldn't want to marry anyone else but your dad. He was perfect for me and one day you'll meet the one for you and he will blow your mind." I have heard the stories where she told me this one guy wanted to marry her but she did not want him, or where she thought a guy was the one but in the end, he was not. All of those experiences led her to the one that truly was for her, my dad. I can't help but laugh at these stories. I asked my dad ," How did you know mom was the one?" He said, "I saw her at church one day and I had this feeling like she was going to be my wife." *HAHAH it was love at first sight.. huh dad* Anyway, they both share similar encounters where this little voice inside *HolySpirit* spoke to them about the other and they eventually started dating. Five kids later and 25 years in... they are still best friends and in love.
OK, so for the rest of us fabulous people who are not living that "fairytale" lifestyle yet, why don't the ones we love, love us back and vice versa?
1. They are most likely not the one.
I am going to be a little transparent and I hope no one is offended, but I still have gentlemen attempt to date me who I have clearly told that I didn't want a relationship. They fell in love with some aspect of me, but I had absolutely no connection, attraction, or desire to be with them. Many women experience this. We date someone because at one point we had an interest. But when that interest died, you were ready to move on and they weren't. Let's be honest, it's because they are not the one and probably won't be.
If you care for a guy and he has made it clear he doesn't want a relationship, or he's stated he's not sure, YOU ARE JUST AN OPTION..walk away. You know you could probably be great for him, but if he cant appreciate you... MOVE ON, someone else will. When my mother met my dad , yes he was attracted to her beauty but even more so her godly spirit and goal driven demeanor. To this day, if my mom has a new bright idea for herself or the family, my dad trusts her godly instinct. He appreciates her passion to always have a task to fulfill and supports her 100%. He was the best match for her because his personality balances hers. My mom has such an artsy, creative, dramatic, outgoing personality (like me) and my dad is just SUPER chill. I think this is a great example of not worrying about the dating relationships that didn't work out. Prepare yourself for the ONE RELATIONSHIP with your future spouse that will.
2. It's not the right time.
Now, we've heard those stories where a guy likes a girl and after years of goading, convincing, and pestering her she finally falls in love and they get married. :) This does happen but what you have to realize is that even if they did not start on the same page, they eventually ended on the same page. The girl finally caved in and loved the man back who had loved her all along, it just took time. Time for her to grow, mature, get fed up with the losers, and marry the right one. Sometimes it can be the guy who doesn't see the great girl who loves him, but then he realizes he can't be a bachelor forever, turns around, and sweeps her off her feet. What I need you to do is know the difference. Don't settle if your gut is telling you HE IS NOT THE ONE! Don't wait around for the one who doesn't care about you if there is someone who does. Sometimes love is a choice, not simply a feeling. I'm not saying make yourself love someone to get over the one you can't have. I'm just saying think, pray, and be wise about it all. Don't beg someone who doesn't want you to stay. Then you won't get the love you deserve! If you think your scenario is like the earlier examples I shared, where you both just need time before you get it right... then wait. Let that person grow apart from you. Don't wait too long and be sure you know when to let someone go.
3.You're being unrealistic.
This is like having a celebrity crush. It is loving someone who you know good and well will never be the one. Stay out of the clouds people. Don't let the media, society, and fairytale culture keep you from dating realistically. *example* If you have a great guy friend who treats you like a queen but you're in love with your married boss, KICK THE BOSS TO THE CURB and get with the single great guy friend. DUHHH... We live life on earth. Not on the set of a stupid and unrealistic love film. It's that simple.
Also, enjoy being single if that's the stage you are in right now life. I AM HAVING A BLAST. One day I will be happily consumed with a spouse, but today I only really have to focus on my personal goals and dreams. And that is cool with me. I don't have to check in with any significant other, I don't have to worry about both of our careers, I can be selfish with my weekends and spend it with my girls. One day it won't be like this and I will be grateful then like I am now. I am just saying try to enjoy every season of life. Enjoy where you are now, in this present moment!!
Lastly, if you let God guide your life you won't miss what he has for you. Even if you think you missed it, he works everything out for the better, for those who love him, and are called according to his purpose. Trust him. Don't fear being alone. He answers prayers and cares even about the little things you think are insignificant. So why wouldn't he care about your love life? 1 Peter 5:7 says "Cast all your anxiety's on him for he cares for you".
Do just that, place it on him because life's issues can be a lot to carry!
Love YOU,
Gabs