Boyfriend Yes, Sex No

I was sitting in my living room enjoying the peace in my soul and the peace in my home when I randomly started thinking about how glad I was, that I was not having sex with my boyfriend. I smelled his cologne lingering in my house after spending an entire day watching movies, talking and uber eating our favorite foods. We had a deep conversation that was much needed and I was glad I mustered up the courage to have it. It was that typical annual, “So babe we still want this right? Is marriage in our future?” We’ve been best friends so long every now and then you have to bring this stuff up and make sure you’re on the same wavelength. We had plenty time to chat because obviously we weren’t getting it in, if you know what I mean. Yes, I love him and find him attractive and all that but in a world of shambolic relationships we’ve decided to get to know each other on a deeper level. I find it important to make sure that I am one; happy, content, and assured without a man creating that for me. I also want to be completely convinced that if he is in my life he is adding to it and not taking away. It took time to get to this place of understanding but maturity has brought me here. I think my man and I are going on three years figuring out how to have non- touch intimacy because that’s a wonderful premise for a long lasting relationship. It’s probably more me than him wanting to do this but he doesn’t object so this is what we’re doing.  Yes, for religious reasons I made this decision but I really dug deep to figure out why even my religion felt it was necessary for couples to remain abstinent while dating. In an era where it is the norm to have sex as early as the first date people think it’s ludicrous to be dating three years and not go all the way.  I could care less about that opinion. Dating this ways is great in the long run, I can see so clear. People are messed up physically and spiritually because of sex. SEX IS POWERFUL and beyond an awesome feeling it can augment or wreck your life.  When I tell people we aren’t having sex, they think I am lying or being unrealistic. Yet, I bet if you ask my boyfriend or any other guy I’ve dated they’d surely tell you it’s the harsh truth. I take that off the table from jump.  It ain’t easy in this era of dating and I am not perfect don’t get it twisted , but self-control is something I have a lot of, thanks Jesus. Beyond the high STD rates, unplanned pregnancies, and high body counts I chose this life because I really valued myself and my destiny.  Who you’re connected to can make or break you, I take that serious. When your soul connects you intertwine with another, I don’t have time to carry mess.

It’s 2018 and people are crazy. They are doing things that are unheard of and it all boils down to people not really knowing who they are dealing in a relationship until they go crazy! If you spend more time in the sheets than communicating you are exploring nothing more than a person’s body. That’s so dangerous so many people are sleeping with monsters and don’t even know it because their mask is an orgasm. They hide behind that so well it is blinding until one day they snap and you’re wondering who they were all along.

 Men often have to get adjusted to properly communicating. This was an issue in my relationship we could not and would not be working on this if we were too busy, getting busy. I know so much more about what I want and need and visa versa because we are forced to talk. I love him but I also value him and I understand that by doing this both of our futures will be positively affected. Twenty years from now if we both change and the world around us changes we will have a foundation built on friendship, communication, mutual respect and love not just sex. Sex can’t hold a relationship together like simple tape can hold a broken bumper on a car if it tried. Trust, faithfulness, understanding, and the self-control we’ve practiced will.

You might be thinking, he must be cheating or you’re dumb men need sex to be happy, you’re both missing out. First of all, truth is God will tell on your man if he is cheating. Yes fellas, God is on OUR side lol!!  Ladies, don’t WE ALWAYS KNOW when somethings up. I haven’t had any strange dreams of him and another woman plus I am the best thing that’s ever happened to this man he’s not stupid. Also, last time I checked the only thing men need so they won’t die, is food and water. They can make it a little while without sex and what we’re missing out on now, we have a lifetime to make up for later. Trust, when we’re married we’ll be sure to do that. Mind ya business. That’s what’s wrong with humans these days. We are emotional babies and we want our carnal desires fulfilled immediately instead of understanding the power and blessing in waiting.  There is safety in allowing yourself to mature into something. For example if a person is given alcohol in their adolescence they could die. Young bodies are not ready to break down a substance like alcohol and the consequences on its body would be detrimental. That’s why there is an age limit of 21. At 21 your brain is more developed you can make better educated choices in your intake and your mature enough (hopefully) to handle the consequences of your ingestion. Sometimes when sex is explored early in a relationship it is not mature enough to handle it. Your mind is skewed, you can’t think straight, you’re foggy and can’t judge their character very well. Then you wonder why you’re in these dead –end, pointless, unfulfilling relationships. I am not here to tell people what to do. I am just giving a different perspective in an era that say’s everyone is doing it while HIV rates continue to triple in Atlanta, child and family courts can’t get a break,  and divorce rates are at 50% due to lack of self-control in marriages. We need to sit back and chill out sometimes. More and more people are writing off love but I am telling you try something different and maybe your outcome will be fresh. Take sex of the table, let me know how it benefits you. 

-Gab